Overwhelmed vs. Control: How to Reframe Your Long To-Do List

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In this week’s episode of the podcast, I’m breaking down why your long to-do list isn’t actually the problem. We tend to make that growing list mean we’re behind, failing, or not doing enough — but what if it’s actually a sign of something really good?  

In this episode, I share four reframes that completely shift the way you interpret your to-do list so you can stop starting your day in stress mode and instead feel grounded, capable, and fully in the driver’s seat again. If you ever look at your list and immediately feel overwhelmed, you’re going to want to listen to this one.  

Topics in this episode:

  • Why your to-do list is neutral — and the meaning you attach to it isn’t 

  • The four reframes that instantly reduce stress and overwhelm 

  • How a long to-do list can signal demand, growth, challenge, and ambition 

  • Why starting your day with overwhelm leads to poor decisions and burnout 

  • How to shift into strategic thinking, focus, and control no matter the season  

Show Notes & References:

Transcript

Intro

You know that feeling when your to-do list just keeps growing and growing and growing? Most of us look at a long to-do list and immediately feel behind. We tell ourselves, “I'm never going to catch up.” We make it mean we're failing. We're unproductive. We're not doing enough.

But what if a long to-do list isn't the problem at all? What if it's actually a sign of something good?

In today's podcast, we're reframing what your to-do list means because the truth is, the list is neutral. It's what you make it mean that creates either pressure or peace.

In this episode, I'll be sharing four powerful reframes that will help you look at your to-do list in an entirely new way so that you can stop feeling behind and start feeling grounded, capable, and in control again. Are you ready? Let's get to it.

Welcome to the Ambitious and Balanced Working Moms podcast, your go to resource for integrating your career ambitions with life as a mom, I'm distilling down thousands of coaching conversations I've had with working moms just like you, along with my own personal experience as a mom of two and sharing the most effective tools and strategies to help you quickly feel calm, confident, and in control of your ambitious working mom life. You ready? Let's get to it.

Hello, hello, working moms. Can you believe that it is November? Oh my gosh, we just have a couple of months left. The holidays are approaching. So many things are getting added to our to-do list right now. And I have a big announcement. The January 2026 cohort of Ambitious and Balanced is officially open. Yes, I am starting to take women into this amazing group, and I would love for you to be a part of it.

If 2026 feels like your year, like this is the year you are going to take back control of your time and your energy, where you're going to stop making your work and your family feel like they're at odds with one another, where you truly are going to learn the proper habits to create sustainable work-life balance, then this program is for you. I would love to connect with you around joining the next Ambitious and Balanced cohort.

And so to do that, you can sign up for a 30-minute consultation call with me where we'll talk all about it and all the details and make sure that you are in fact the perfect fit for that group. So you can do that by going to my website, www.rebeccaolsoncoaching.com/ambitiousandbalanced-call

Or you can really just go to the Ambitious and Balanced page there and then click on any of those buttons on that page that will take you directly to my scheduler where we can find 30 minutes to connect on a call.

Working moms, now is your time. Now is the best time to start thinking about your 2026 goals. And if work-life balance is in them, then I would love to help you sustainably figure out how to do that in your life.

Why This Reframe Matters Right Now

All right. So let's jump into today's topic. And I think with the holidays approaching and this talk about work-life balance in 2026, this topic is perfect in this particular moment. So I think it all just flows together. I'm excited about that for you.

So we're in the middle of a series on reframing common thoughts and situations that tend to cause a lot of overwhelm and stress and imbalance for working moms. Last week, we talked about reframing the idea that work and family are at odds with one another. Because when you believe that work and family are in fact more harmonious and supportive of one another and not like against each other, then you open yourself up to a have-it-all kind of life, which is what we're all about here on this podcast and in the Ambitious and Balanced community.

The Hidden Stress Trigger: Your To-Do List

Today, I want to focus on another reframe. And it is also one that causes lots of stress and overwhelm. And that is your to-do list. Perhaps specifically, it's the length of your to-do list and the amount of things that you have to get done.

If you've been following me on social media recently, I've actually done a handful of stories and posts on this recently sharing about an example from my own life that actually happened last spring. But I remember what that experience was like, like it was yesterday.

When Your To-Do List Turns Into Mental Load Overload

Oh my gosh, spring is a fairly busy time for me in my coaching business. It's also the time of year where we plan our summer vacations and all the details around that, and summer camps need to be signed up for, and end-of-year school activities are happening and need planning. And my husband and I had just recently purchased a house, and so we had all these projects and planning that we were planning to do over the summer, right?

And at one point, I was just getting so stressed out with all the things that I needed to get done. I was waking up with stress and worry every night. 

And so finally, I wrote down all of the things that I was thinking and that I was holding onto, things that I needed to get done or just like mental load things that I was carrying on behalf of our family. And it was literally pages long, pages long.

And here's the thing about our to-do lists. I know a lot of you use to-do lists to keep yourself organized on some level at least. And I do that for myself as well, although I also use a handful of other tools that really help me to get organized and kind of out of the to-do list land.

Why Your To-Do List Feels Like It’s Everywhere

But I know for many of you, you probably have a to-do list at home. You have a to-do list at work. You have a to-do list in your phone. You have to-do lists everywhere. You have shared notes between you and your spouse, maybe even.

Here's the problem, right? For most women, your to-do list, although it might be a source of organization, it's also probably a very large source of stress as well, right? Almost by definition, a to-do list is a list of things that you have yet to do and that need to get done, right? But life is crazy as a working mom. And so often, the list just keeps growing and growing and growing, right? And it never feels like it's something you can actually get on top of or complete at any given time. And because of that, you feel really overwhelmed and stressed by it.

The Stress Spiral That Starts the Moment You Sit Down

In fact, I would say what a lot of women do, or really just everyone does—humans do, generally speaking—the very first thing you probably do when you sit down at your desk to get to work for the day is you sit down in front of a long, unprioritized to-do list, right?

And the very first thought you have when you sit down and you look at that very long, unprioritized to-do list is, oh my gosh, there is too much to do and not enough time, right? Or you might be thinking, oh my gosh, I don't even know where to start, right? Or you might be thinking, I really should be further ahead. This is a problem. My length of to-do list is a problem, right?

Ultimately, it doesn't matter which of these three you sit down and think when you look at your to-do list, because all of them create instantaneous stress, overwhelm, and feelings of failure.

Why This Reframe Is Essential for Sustainable Work-Life Balance

I have never met somebody that sits down at their to-do list, looks at it first thing and says, “Oh, I think I could tackle all these things today,” or, “Oh, I have a manageable amount of things to do,” or, “Oh my goodness, this is going to be so easy. I can get all of this done,” right? Nobody sits down and thinks that. It's always a source of overwhelm and stress, right?

And so your thoughts about your to-do list ultimately need to be reframed if you are going to experience sustainable balance, right? The tasks that you have yet to accomplish cannot be a regular source of stress and overwhelm if you want any kind of sustainability in work-life balance, right? And you certainly cannot start each workday in a state of stress, okay?

Why Your To-Do List Doesn't Have to Create Stress

So right now, I want to offer to you four reframes if you happen to be one of those people, as so many of you are, that experiences a lot of stress and overwhelm from having a long to-do list, okay? And to be honest, this conversation around the length of your to-do list and the stress and the overwhelm it causes, right? This is something—this is like a conversation I have with almost all of my clients.

At some point in our coaching, for some, it's like really early on because they already know their to-do list is a big problem and a source of stress. And for others, it's not. We sort of have to uncover that. But at some point, with my clients, we're going to have a conversation around their to-do list and the stress around it, and we're going to reframe it together because your to-do list does not have to cause you overwhelming stress, right?

You don't have to feel like a failure every time you look at your to-do list. You don't have to start your day feeling anxious about all the things that you haven't gotten done, right?

How Stress Impacts Your Productivity and Decision-Making

And when you are not in a state of stress or feeling overwhelmed and anxious about all the things you have to do, I promise you, you are going to get so much better at your job. You're going to be more effective with your time. You're going to make better decisions, right?

When you are in a state of overwhelming stress and you're looking at your to-do list, you're basically in this state of fight or flight where your nervous system is sort of taken over. You don't make the most strategic decisions in that moment, right?

Why Stress Hijacks Your To-Do List Decisions

Instead, you look at your to-do list feeling really anxious and nervous and overwhelmed. And so what do you do? You focus on the most urgent tasks, but not necessarily the most important ones. You'll likely choose quick wins that sort of give you that dopamine hit, but don't leave time for the things on your to-do list that are actually needing to get done, right?

A stressed-out version of you does not make strategic decisions, right? A stressed-out version of you makes stressful decisions. A stressed-out version of you is not able to think about bigger goals and the things that are most important. They're only able to think about the things that are right in front of them, right?

And so if we can reframe the way you are thinking about your to-do list and particularly the length of your to-do list so that we can calm down that stress and that overwhelm in your body, you are going to be so much more effective.

Reframe #1: A Long To-Do List Means You’re In Demand

So let's jump into the four reframes. Reframe number one: having a long to-do list means that you are someone that is in demand. People want and need your expertise, your skill set, your opinion, your knowledge. It is indication, in fact, that you are highly valuable to your team, to your company, and even to your family for that matter, right?

And I love this reframe when you think about it, because it's really reframing the way you think about yourself. You're not a failure because you have a long to-do list. You're an asset. There's a reason people look to you to get things done. You're like a finisher. You're a completer. You are dependable. You're reliable, right?

There's a reason that people volunteer you or you raise your hand to get things done, which is why your to-do list is so long, right? You're good at what you do and people need you, okay? So that's reframe number one.

Reframe #2: A Long To-Do List Signals Job Security

Reframe number two: having a long to-do list is indication of job security, right? You're not running out of things to do and you're likely not the first one out the door because of it, right? You're not redundant. You're not just taking up space. Having a lot of things to do is indication that you're busy and that you're staying busy and that there's a reason that they should continue to pay you, right? It's job security.

Reframe #3: A Long List Means You’re Growing, Stretching, and Being Challenged

Reframe number three is that having a long to-do list is actually indication that you are being challenged and growing, right? Just the nature of having to decide what you're going to work on each and every day and to prioritize what you're going to work on and what you're not going to work on—that alone is a really challenging task.

And likely there are several things on your to-do list that feel inherently challenging to you, which is why they're there, right? If they were easy, you likely would have already done them by now. So it's the fact that you have to sort of figure out a next plan. You have to strategize. You have to research. You have to bring a team together, right?

You're not going to be bored when you have a long to-do list. There's always going to be something to do.

Reframe #4: A Long To-Do List Is a Sign of Ambition and Drive

And then the last reframe I want to offer to you around a long to-do list is that it's actually indication that you're ambitious. You likely have several things that are vying for your attention at any given time. Some of them are between work and home tasks. Some of them are like competing priorities at work. 

But just the fact that you have multiple things that need your attention at any given time indicates multiple interests. It indicates multiple goals. And that is indication of ambition, of being a go-getter, of being somebody that wants it all.

You see, long to-do lists do not indicate that you are failing. That's a very narrow view of a to-do list. It doesn't indicate that there's just too much to do and not enough time. It doesn't indicate that you are stretched thin or that there's a problem or that you're doing something wrong.

Instead, it could mean that you're in demand and that you're an asset to your company. It could mean that you're being challenged and you're growing. It could mean that you're certainly not going to be bored and you're likely going to stay employed.

A Powerful To-Do List Visual That Changes Everything

I had a conversation with one of my clients several years ago who really, really struggled with her to-do list and feeling overwhelmed by it. And so I gave her this visual and I want to offer it to you too in hopes that it helps you.

I said, "I want you to imagine your to-do list is always the same length. Like if you cross off 10 things off of the list, then 10 things magically appear at the bottom. I want you to literally imagine that your to-do list never gets any shorter."

And I remember coaching her on this because we had this whole moment where I gave her this visual and I said, "If your to-do list never got shorter, how would that change the way you interact with the things that you need to get done?"

And I remember her thinking about it for a while and she said, "You know, well, if my to-do list never changed, then I probably wouldn't feel so stressed out all the time. I probably would tackle the harder things first and do the things that really needed to get done instead of sort of delaying and procrastinating on things. Overall," she said, "I'd probably just feel so much better, more successful, more effective, and more focused because she was always focusing on the right things."

Yes, I remember like the biggest smile celebrating with her. That's exactly what this means. That's exactly what can happen when you reframe the things that you have yet to do, the things that you have to get done, rather than looking at it through the angle of failure and a lack of time and doing things wrong.

Step Into the Driver’s Seat of Your Time and Attention

Instead, you could see it as a way of putting yourself back into the driver seat and giving you focus and attention. Look, I have lots of time management strategies that we can work on together to make you more effective at your job, more effective with how you're managing your time, to get your to-do list so that it is, in fact, smaller.

But what if instead, I just taught you how to not feel so overwhelmed and stressed all the time? To learn how to manage your overwhelm in a really strategic way, so no matter how many things you have on your to-do list, no matter what season of life it is, no matter if it's Q1 or Q4 or the summertime or winter break or whatever it is—no matter what—you weren't stressed out. You felt on top of things. You knew what you need to focus on. You could create that focus for yourself.

What if you could do that? Because that's really where control comes in. That's where power comes in. That's where you get back in the driver seat of your life and truly focus on the things that matter most.

If 2026 Is Your Year to Take Back Control

If that feels like your next step, your bigger goal to take back control of your life, of your happiness, of your attention, of work-life balance—if that's where you're at and you want to make 2026 the year where you unlock balance and time and lower stress and overwhelm and truly begin to prioritize yourself and your family without losing all that success at work—if that is your goal, then I promise you Ambitious and Balanced is going to be your program.

It's going to be the place where you're going to learn everything you need to know and exactly how to take back control. I could teach it to you. It's a three-month small group program for ambitious working moms who are looking to have it all.

The investment is $2,000, and it can also be broken up into a payment plan to make that easier for you. But if you are interested in taking that next step, learning more, and seeing if this program really can work for you, I encourage you to go ahead and reach out and book that consultation call with me where we will get into the nitty-gritty of exactly what's going on in your life. I'll share more about how this program works and we'll decide together if you're the perfect fit.

Book Your Consultation Call + Final Thoughts

I will drop a link to that call in the show notes. You could also go to my website, RebeccaOlsonCoaching.com/ambitiousandbalanced. Then go ahead and click on any of those buttons on that page. That's going to take you to booking that 30-minute consultation call with me.

But working moms, you do not have to stay stressed and overwhelmed. Your to-do list does not cause stress and overwhelm. It's all about how you think about it, and you always get to decide what you think.

All right. Until next week, let's get to it.

Feeling the Holiday Pressure? Take a Deep Breath

Hey there. If you’re already feeling the holiday pressure starting to build — the full calendar, the expectations, the guilt — take a deep breath, because it doesn’t have to be that way.

Every year I used to tell myself, I just need to make it magical for everyone. But by the time Christmas morning came, I was so tired of doing it all, I barely felt any joy.

Join the $9 Boundaries & Balance Holiday Survival Session

That’s why I created Boundaries and Balance: Your Holiday Survival Session. This is a 30-minute private call where we’ll get to the root of your holiday stress, get clear on what you actually want this season to look like, and create your personalized holiday boundary plan.

It’s just $9, and you’ll walk away knowing exactly what to prioritize, what to release, and how to stay grounded when things get tough — so that you can actually enjoy the holidays instead of just get through them.

I’m only offering these sessions through Thanksgiving, and there are a limited number of spots available, so don’t wait. You can grab your session using the link in the show notes.

Let’s make this the year where you feel calm, confident, and in control of your holiday season.

Rebecca Olson